Quote The Hawk 3
by The New Ultra Mike
Summary: Another one. This time it involves a certain show, and some usual stuff.
1. Ax's Movie

Note: Another sequal to this Quote The Hawk Story. This will end when I run out of ideas, and that's not happening yet. Animorphs don't belong to me, so read and review!  
  
Quote The Hawk... 3   
  
(Scene: Once again, we find the Animorph Gang, hangin out at Crayak's pace, bored with nothing to do).  
  
Marco: If any one is a bored with nothing to do say, "My name is Marco Man"! (No response). Is any one just bored?  
  
Crayak: We need the recap of last story to know what to start with.  
  
Ellmist: I would, but Block Buster dosen't reach out to this point in the Galaxy, and I forot how to teleport and blow up-  
  
Everyone: That line is old! We heard you say it one millon times!  
  
Ellmist: I have to make the rcord, so only once more. I forgot how to blow up planets. (Blows up Jupiter). I never get tired of that.  
  
Jake: The rest of us do, and I would know, since I am the sumpreme leader of the world! Or just the Animorphs.  
  
Tobias: You are a very bad sumpreme leader. (Calls up Author). Can you please get rid of Megamorphs 3?  
  
Superman: For the last time, stop calling here!  
  
Tobias: Screw you. I could beat you up, and you aren't even that strong. (hangs up and redials). Is this K.A Applegate? (Back talk). Who am I? The most popular of the Animorphs, the cool one. (More talk back). This is not Ax, Tobias! you know, the nothlit Hawk who is presently in Ellmist morph and thinks there should be more of my books. (More talk back). I want you to erase Megamorphs 3, it is really annoying how Jake keeps saying stuff about how he's a sumpreme leader, and it is so annoying? (More talk back). Okay, I'll hold. (Starts listening to waiting song, then K.A comes back on the phone). Coudn't you see how I was trying torock out to the tune? (More talk back). How come you can't erase that book? (More talk back, then hangs up). No bye. I really hate her now. (Hangs up phone).  
  
Ax: In yours! I'm Applegate's favorite. That is why I never die and always have the best lines.  
  
Marco: We still need that showing of last episode, can we have that tape? (Tape boy comes, and hands him tape). Thanks, here is a bit something for your trouble. (Bonks him on the head). That didn't feel right. i guess it was a positive reaction, and not a negative one. (Group sets up room to watch tape).  
  
Crayak: Drode, I must have my snacks. Go over to the concession stand and buy me some. here's some money. (Hands him a dime).  
  
Drode: I don't see why can't you just use your nearly almighty powers and just make some. (Crayak beats him up). Fine, I'll get some. Just save me a seat. (Leaves to get snacks).  
  
Ellmist: This is going to be good. Espically with my new DVD player, that I bought from a hobo on the street.   
  
Marco: That dosen't seem like a reliable bet. Your DVD player looks like a Big Mac Sandwitch, with cheese and pickles.  
  
Ellmist: It dosen't matter how it looks, it just matter how it plays. (Puts the video in the sandwitch, and nothing happens. Elfangor sees it and absorbs it through his hoof). I pay a good millon dollars for that and yu eat it so fast,when will I get a cool DVD player that gets a chance to work?  
  
Marco: When you learn not to get ripped off so easily.  
  
Elfangor: I think that gave me heart problems, and Marco jst has a lot of problems.  
  
Marco: Now we have to get that out of Elfangor. I need a hammer and a knife, to operate the on the patient. (Ellmist conjours up Tonka Toys hammer and knife. marco tries to make it work). Why, won't, you, go, through? It's hopless, I lost my only patient, and above that, we can't watch a movie!  
  
Elfangor: I'm still alive, and by using my internal organs as sataillite dishes, I am able to make the movie be watched on my stomach.  
  
Marco: (Still crying) Never again will I get the jioys of- (Hears what Elfangor said). Time for the movie! I need to get my popcorn sack. No I don't, because I always keep it here. (Drode re enters with tons of snacks, everyone takes up all the room on the big couch).  
  
Drode: Master, I got your stupid snacks, now make some room for me. (Crayak takes all the snacks and passes them around).  
  
Crayak: Just go over there and stand in the corner, I'm trying to listen to the movie.   
  
Drode: It hasan't even started yet. (Crayak throws Drode in the corner). I'll be here, if anyone needs me. (Marco turns off the lights, and the credits start to play).  
  
Announcer: Previously, on Quote The Hawk... (While this is happening diffrent backgrounds are going on, the first one is at the beach, then the oval office).  
  
Marco (on video): A stolen treasure map?  
  
Ax: (on video) Yes, a stolen treasure map. A very stolen and very treasured map.  
  
Marco (on video): Cause it does look like my grandma.  
  
Tobias (on video): The time is ticking Mr President, you must choose.  
  
Crayak (on video): I choose to close the barn door. (Tries to, but it's stuck). open you worthless peice of crap! (Scene changes to cars being chased, then exploding. Then to the woods).  
  
Ellmist (on video): I am the real Ellmist!  
  
Ellmist 2 (on video): No, I am the real Ellmist!  
  
Jake (on video) : Hold up, am I still the sumpreme leader? (More cars crah and blow up, then a bunch of explsions, then we are taken to the hospital room).  
  
Drode (on video) Master, I think I'm pregnent.  
  
Crayak (on video) And why are you telling me this? It's not like I'm the father. (Drode nods yes, Crayak gasps and tape ends).  
  
Announcer: Warning! This tape will self destruct in- (Marco grabs it and heaves it far).  
  
Marco: Not on my watch it's not! That will teach public broadcasting.  
  
Crayak: I give that video a ten out of twenty six. It had good explosions, but I don't remember any of that at all, and that must mean I have... (Dramatic sound cue) Amnesia!  
  
Drode: You do not. It did never happen, that was just a very bad and unimaginitive form that was made to probably piss us off.  
  
Tobias: So where does that leave us? What are we suppose to do now? Maybe we should watch it again and make rude comments.  
  
Jake: Or maybe we could make our own T.V special video.  
  
Ax: I call directing, produceing, writing, and every thing else except all the supporting actors. It has been my one dream in life to eat the World's Biggest cinammon bun. I already did that, so now time for my second: Make an star in the best Soap Opera ever! Ishall call it the Young And The Andalites! The only soap oprea to star, me Axim, I forgot the rest.  
  
Ellmist: My dream is to loiter on school grounds and then laugh when someone tries to stop me because I would just kick off their head.  
  
Crayak: Why don't you?  
  
Ellmist: I don't have the power to. It would take someone with nearly all-knowing powers to do so. Then again. I am a someone with nearly all-knowing pwers, and will so. (Teleports out and lives his dream). That felt good.  
  
Ax: Enough fooling around here people, we need to start filming and shooting. We're on a tight schedule here, so no more breaks. And that goes espically for you, Mr no good lousy brother.  
  
Elfangor: You hurt my feelings. (Starts crying) I'm leaving and never coming back. (Disapears along with Loren. Reapears 10 seconds later). That time didn't count, because I need to take my stuff with me. (Grabs his golf clubs and leaves, maybe forever).  
  
Marco: Like he was really that important anyway. He had his book.  
  
Tobias: They say many a wise soul would not work for Ax unless he paid them, with a bunch of sugar and sugar by products.  
  
Ax: How dare you try and ruin my life long dream! I comdem you to the deep pits of hell! (Tries to, but dosen't work). How much sugar will that be?.  
  
Tobias: Just about forty packs will do nicley, thank you. (Ax hands him forty packs).  
  
Ax: Will the rest of you work for free?. (Everyone beats him). I take that as a no. A really painful no. So what do you want? (Takes out peice of paper and pen).  
  
Jake: For everyone to make me their sumpreme leader.  
  
Ax: How about ask for something I can actually do? Like anything besides that?  
  
Jake: I always wanted one of those ballon animals. (Ax writes this down). A yellow one, in the shape of me, as supreme ruler over people. (Ax also writes this down).  
  
Marco: All I want is a mansion, lots of money, every video game system, a n exsulive comedic contract tour for the rest of my life, and a small hoagie. (Ax writes this down). No pickels, put lots of mustard.  
  
Tobias: Well, I did always want-  
  
Ax: I gave you sugar! You get nothing else.  
  
Tobias: I'll just make it myself then. (Creates a trampoline. Everyone starts jumping on it). So much for complicated childhood problems, I'm cured. (Makes Trampoline go away). I feel fulfilled.  
  
Ellmist: Give me the ability to blow up planets, cause I forgot. (blows up pl;anet). Take that! I said it again and no one stopped me!  
  
Crayak: Technically, you didn't say it exactly, so it really dosen't count.  
  
Ellmist: Oh go rain on my parade. (Creates raincloud and places is it on Ellmist). Oh, you're so funny, you make me laugh to bits. I'm kidding, just so every one knows.  
  
Crayak: My turn. I want a big tub, since every one says I smell. Namely Ellmist. (Ax writes it down). Along with a bottle of wine, 1976 classic italian, with those little glasses that have that grape in them.  
  
Ax: The things I do to make a life long dream come true. (Writes that down). That should be all of you, so if we could just-  
  
Drode: What about me? You know, the Drode. The guy who always gets it bad in these. What do I get?  
  
Ax: Nothing, since you get what you deserve. And since none of you get this, none of you deserve it and I mean that. (Everyone is ready to pounce on him). This is going to leave a really big mark in the morning. (Gets beaten up again). I'll get your stuff, just stop hurting me.  
  
Drode: What about me? What about my needs?  
  
Ax:Well, what do you want?   
  
Drode: Actually nothing, I just wanted to be noticed.   
  
Ax: Good. Less impossible work for me. Now we have to get started on this scene. (Hands Marco costume). i am the star and main point of the show, Axile Grans, and you are my fratenal twin brother, George.  
  
Marco: Then how come my character looks so geeky if were twins?  
  
Ax: There was no way I would be your identical twin, so you get to be the smart but little whiny boy, whose jokes are really dumb. Your life in a nutshell, even though you have one, seriously. (Hands Jake costume). You are the stupid next door neighbor who looks unbelievibly like Mr. Rogers. Actually, you're Mr Rogers younger brother, and Mr Rogers does nt like a supreme leader. (Jake takes costume).  
  
Jake: I'll do it, but like every good politican, I'll lie about it, won't payfor it, and make claims that the building went on fire by it's own.   
  
Ax: That is weird, even for you. No more poltical college for you mister. (Hands Tobias his costume). You are the loyal family dog, poochie Mc.Bigglesworth. It is a wide known fact that girls like guys with dogs, and you're my dog.  
  
Tobias: This is even more degrading then I'm use to. When this become's Ax, wasn't this my whole thing to begin with? Latley he's been getting all the good parts.  
  
Ax: I should be since I am the new favorite. (Hands Ellmist costume). You are my sexy and very sweet wife.  
  
Ellmist: This has gone far enough. I have taken all the abuse I'm getting. Screw you guys, I'm going home. (Teleports, then Teleports back). I forgot, This is my home since the lst one was stomped on by that big Teddy bear.  
  
Crayak: You're the girl! Time for a lot of laughter. (Ax hands him his costume).  
  
Ax: You are Cindy, the loveable perfct daughter that always gets a football hit in her nose. The concept is so original, I shouls sell it to Nick at Night.  
  
Crayak: the infamous ironic situation, isn't it? Laught at a guy for having a girl part, then get one yourself. This is so X-Files.  
  
Ax: Well, that should take care of everyone.  
  
Drode: Why must you keep forgeting me? It's not fair!  
  
Ax: That was a big mistake, since you have a real important part. (Hands him costume). You are the bar of soap. The squeaky clean and musical challanged bar of soap.  
  
Drode: I heard of Soap Opera's, but that really takes the cake. (Cake runs away and falls into a deep pit). These puns are getting idiotic now.  
  
Crayak: That was my best cake. I spent miilosceonds making it with unlimited power. It feels so wasted.  
  
Ax: Worry about your cake later. We got a drama to produce. First, I come in all cool and tough, then we go in a little foggy area. Then it ends with me doing other stuff. I call it best script ever.  
  
Ellmist: I really don't know what to call it, except for that. Maybe greatest script ever? No, that dosen't work.   
  
Drode: What about a dumb load of crap?  
  
Ellmist: That definatley works.  
  
Ax: I am trying to think of more to add, but you people don't help at all. What do you think I am, some kind of four footed blue centar alien creature, or a fool with no idea what he's doing and is only looking for glory?  
  
Tobias: I say it's a tough choice both ways, so I will pick both.  
  
Ax: I have the best idea. Cindy will get hit in the nose with a football, lose her memory, then end up learning a valubale lesson.  
  
Crayak: These Brady Bunch refrences are freaky. I must make sure they never happen. I will use the time matrix to go back in time, erase the brasy bunch kids, then be back here in time for a start on this. (Goes back in time and kills the Bradys, then goes to the Present). So tell me, who are the Brady's?  
  
Elllmist: The people you erased from history.  
  
Crayak: You make it sound like that would make it the end of the world. It's not the Brady's death will change the planet earth forever in ways we can't understand.  
  
Ax: What's with the side tracks? Genius first, dumb other crap later. First, wemust have a catchy opening to lure people in. I have made the Perfect one. (Starts singing) The Young and the Andalites! Will every thing be all right? The young and the Andalites! Please read this drama pilot.  
  
Marco: Pilot and Andalite don't rhyme, and if this thing gets a second episode, that won't be a pilot, so your song does not make any sense.  
  
Ax: I can thing of something else. (Strats singing). The young and the Andalites! This show is kind of tight. Axile is such the man, but his brother ate a can. Mr Plogers is a copyright, and Poochie gets into a fight. Jennifer is a good name, Cindy is pretty lame. Finally, that bar of soap, may be a fool, but not a real dope. The Young And the Andalites! (Stops singing). So what do you thing? Cool huh?  
  
Crayak: Not in the least bit, but since I'm getting my dream, I don't really care. (Those who are not change into their human character, and then Ax gets in the directing chair). how do you expect to direct, and act, at the same time?  
  
Ax: Give me some credit, I know what I'm doing. After extensivly studying the art of daytime T.V for two minutes, I have all the knowledge to produce, direct, write, and atar in a show. This will be the most drama you have ever, ever seen. Now cue those dancing starfish. (dancing star fish come out). And Action! (Note: Characters will now be refered to by show name).  
  
Axile: (Standing in a kitchen room type area in a fake house) I am the cool one known as Axile, and I am so cool. In fact, my radness deserves a song. I am so cool, I deserve a song. (Jennifer comes in). What do you want my love? I was about to sing a song on how cool I am.  
  
Jennifer: We all now how cool you are, and that is an obvious fact to mention and I don't really mean this because I am reading of these cue cards, but we have a real emergency! (Cue dramatic music, followed by soap take). I lost the peanut butter jar!  
  
Axile: The worst thing that could possibly have happen. Did you look everywhere?  
  
Jennifer: I really didn't even look, so I couldn't say. However, you're just going to have to learn to eat jelly sandwitches. Oh, and your evil twin brother has come.  
  
Axile: I hate this time of the month! Didn't you lock all the doors and windows? Like I said in that eight emergency drill?  
  
Jennifer: I wuld put we have no locks, since you did not buy any. And just to point one thing out, any love scenes with you and I quit. (George comes in the kitchen). Look, it's your twin brother, George! How are you this time of the month?  
  
George: I am here to kill you! (Stabs Axile with fork). Die! Die!  
  
Axile: (Rubs arm). That stings you know. Cut! That was not in the script. (Everyone goes back to normal).  
  
Ax: What was with that improve? I told you I am the only one who will do that Marco.  
  
Marco: I am not really Marco, I am really... (Demorphs to) David! The bad animorph who appeared in the recent book 48!  
  
Ax: Save that for the cameras. We could really use that edge. How did you come back anyway?  
  
David: Somewhat a mystery. I just wrote in that I did since that nook never had a real ending. Now I come back for revenge!  
  
Marco: How cliche can you get? That must be mega sized wth a double oreder.  
  
Tobias: Look at what I can do. (Creates a circus from out of nowhere). I bet you can't do that.  
  
David: Shut up! I was smarter then any of you!  
  
Crayak: That's a big accomplishment. If you're just talking about the animorphs, it's not. But if you talk about the rest of the people, it's not.  
  
Ellmist: But what are you mad at us for? It's not like we tortured you by making you a rat stuck in a little ocean beach thing for the rest of your rat. (Gets looks from everyone). You mean we did? And you never told me? We could of made a night of bowling out of it.  
  
David: Well, it was only you four. (Points to Jake, Ax, Tobias, and Marco). I hate the Crayak and Drode for what they did in 48.  
  
Drode: Hey, we got you out of there man. Don't blame your agression on us!  
  
David: I will ans am proud of it. I don't have anything against the Ellmist, so he won't get it. The rest of you will! Feel my wrath! (Runs at them. Tobias just throws him down the bottomless pit he just created). I'll get your for this! Unless I can't breath in outer space.  
  
Ellmist: That seemed easy enough. Now back to Ax's stupid show thingie.  
  
Drode: Don't you think we should see if there are any other people coming back for revenge for whatever did to them? (Rachel appears). Like her?  
  
Rachel: Yes, it is me Rachel. And time to kick some ignoring bootie!  
  
Marco: What?  
  
Rachel: That's getting real old. Stop it with that.  
  
Jake: No seriously, we can't hear you. We have this lobe problem that makes us not hear people whose name begins with Rachel and can't give away their last name. And I am supreme leader.  
  
Rachel: Then how come you heard what I said?  
  
Jake: So? We don't. It was just to make you mad and jump off stuff. That was funny, because that is what the supreme leader says.  
  
Marco: You are no leader of supreme proportions, But you're right about rachel though.  
  
Rachel: We'll see who will be laughing. (Turns Super Rachel). There have been a lot of supers, but this is the only one worthy of me, since my name is Rachel.  
  
Marco: That's not fair! I want to turn super too! (Tobias turns him a diffrent super. One with yellow spiked hair, green hair and a golden aura). I feel like the prince of all animorphs once again. And jake would say something like "I'm the Supreme leader" and no one cares about that.  
  
Jake: What about me? I care a lot.  
  
Ax: I care about my story being finished or not. We were at an important scene, a very good scene where I do cool stuff while everyone else just stands around.  
  
Marco: First we must take care of her. (Rachel slashes at him, but Marco just tackels her and sends the giant crashing in the other wall). Know how I got so strong? I did a lot of push ups and sit ups and drink a lot of juice. And the fact that Tobias gave it to me.  
  
Rachel: Two can play at that came! (Turns into a super human* (See Ex's fic Super Human Transformation). Now who will win? I will. (Rushes at Marco. He just leg kicks her and punches her back into the same wall). That's not fair! I'm twice the super you are, cause I was Super Human Super Rachel.  
  
Marco: But I have the powers of Super Vegita, which is why I'm saying all his lines. Let me ask you something, does Xena Warrior Princess ever experience fear? (Kicks her in the face while she is still against the wall).  
  
Rachel: I give! Just stop it with those things you said. (Marco turns normal). What now? Can I be part of Ax's soap thingie?  
  
Ax: I do have an opening for Jessica, the punk daughter of Mr Plogers. Up for it? Or do we throw you into deep space? (David enters).  
  
David: I managed to grab an elevator up here. Now it is time for revenge!  
  
Crayak: I don't remember building an elevator. Did you add anything to my secret hideout and not tell me again?  
  
Ellmist: The elevator goes perfectly with the game room, and why do you think it's me. I forgot how to blow up panets. (Blows up planet). It's not fun when you guys don't try and stop me? I'll give you one more cance.  
  
David: Chance later, revenge now. I have mastered the powers of evil magic, taught to me by Crayak's Dad, and now I can do this. (Creates a bed of flowers). It said evil! Flowers aren't evil! I want a refund! (Crayak's Dad enters). Are you here to give me my refund?  
  
Crayakl's Dad: No refunds. It said so on the stoor window. You should know that there is a no evil magic refund rule in this entire county.  
  
David: The one were on? Or the one you sold it to me on?  
  
Crayak's Dad: They're the same thing, since I secretly hide my store in my son's throne room. It beats those stupid New York apartments.  
  
Crayak: I haven't seen you for 10 millon years, and you have been here for how long?  
  
Crayak: 10 millon years. I never wanted to see you again cause you are so ugly. I mean the Ugliest creature in the universe ugly.  
  
Drode: He is, I got the poll to show it. (Shows everyone poll. Crayak grabs it from him and smacks him with it). It is true. You are real ugly.  
  
Crayak: I wouldn't say that ugly, but stop abusing me! (Everyone looks at him). Bad childhood memory. So how have you been keeping a secret business from me all those milleiums?  
  
Crayak's Dad: Well, you're not exactly the brightest either. Or maybe cause I his it on the roof, but I like number one better.  
  
Crayak: You know now I'm a real strong guy now. Even strnger then Russia. Iv'e been training a lot in secret.  
  
Drode: If you call changing the lightbulb training, that counts. (Crayak punches him). You have to learn to control your temper.  
  
Ax: I still need two more actors for my T.V show. David, you get to be the evil representation of modern day hades, Barney the Dinosaur man.]  
  
David: Tell me I have a choice on this. What do I get? I really want a really cool toaster with blinking lights and a battery, for reasons I only know.  
  
Ax: Okay. (Writes it down). What about you, Mr Crayak's Dad.  
  
Crayak's Dad: A new whooping board. Too show whose boss around here. And that's me. (Ax writes it down).  
  
Crayak: Just don't hit me with it for those "special pleasures" you always mention. That really sounds bad.  
  
Crayak's Dad: I don't think so! I wasn't thinking of you (Looks at Rachel). It was someone else. Someone much prettier.  
  
Rachel: What do I get for this?  
  
Ax: What?  
  
Rachel: Just forget it alright? I'll do it.  
  
Ax: Wonderful. Prepare for the best show ever, next one.  
  
The End  
  
Note: Like it or not, you're getting a sequal. Just make it easy and review for one. 


	2. Rachel And Cassie

Rachel and Cassie- A spinoff series that involves these two in lesbian stuations could be coming to you. Here's a sample of a maybe:  
  
Rachel: You horny girl?  
  
Cassie: Know it Baby (Have sex). 


End file.
